Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
