On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
