everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
