seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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