Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
