What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
