Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
