eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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