We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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