Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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