So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
