Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
