You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh god it's open bar.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
