I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
