So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
