obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
