the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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