My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
