She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
