Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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