you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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