apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
