I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
