tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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