It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
