How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
