Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
