I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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