There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
