I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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