Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
