You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
