I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
whose ass print is on the piano?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
