We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
