Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He shit in the fireplace
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