false alarm. still invincible.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
