Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
