Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
