whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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