youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
