i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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