Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
