Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
