dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
