Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
