Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
