you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
