batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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