I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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