There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
