I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
