and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
