I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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