Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
